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“Every individual is a meeting ground for many different allegiances, and sometimes these loyalties conflict with one another and confront the person who harbors them with difficult choices” – this is what Amin Maalouf said in his infamous book “In the Name of Identity: Violence and the Need to Belong”. I am that individual he speaks of!
Allow me to elaborate on that: My mother is Egyptian and my father is Lebanese. My mother is a blond and my father has green colored eyes! I was born in Egypt and raised in Lebanon most of my life. My name is American and my family name is Greek. Contrary to expectations, my first language was English and not Arabic, and I had the opportunity to learn French from being around people who spoke it! In a class of 39 students, I had 22 nationalities, all of which clearly reflected their origins, except me – no one could tell where I’m from, no one came even close to guessing. Good or bad, I stood out! In the words of Amin Maalouf, I harbor many different allegiances that conflict with the stereotype!
Recently, I moved to Egypt, back to the motherland, but this time, I am not just visiting, I’m here to stay. For those who haven’t met me, I wear diamond earring and I have five tattoos on my body, one of which is an abstract portray of Jesus Christ on my left wrist! I’ve been in the country for less than a week and already my friends have started asking me to remove my earring, since it’s socially unacceptable to be an “Arab” and have one! So if my intention is to blend in, I have to abide by the norms of society. With all due respect to culture and society, what they call conformity, I call fear!
Why are you afraid of being different? What good has ever come from being average? The combination of the words exceptional and normal (or average) is a paradox in itself. How can you have a personal brand, when you don’t have anything personal to start with? “Wake up and smell the homos” said the Genie to Aladdin. Times have changed, what are you waiting for to claim your brand, your identity?
In establishing your personal brand, you need to “stick out”. If you are a copy of everyone else, you are as likely to get the job as the next person. Dare to be different, dare to be unique, drive the change, challenge the status quo, only then can you reach your potential. Wine connoisseurs “swirl and smell and spit and then spout out the same classic terminology every time, how the bouquet was rose petals or the finish was silk” – but what the hell does all that mean? Gary Vaynerchuk turned his father’s liquor store from a $2 million to a $60 million by reinventing the rules and talking about wine by using terms and phrases everyone can understand and relate to. He went against the norms of the “wine society” and he Crushed It. Don’t be a victim of “the norm”, embrace your DNA, be yourself, and don’t be afraid to put it out there. Don’t plagiarize your identity! Move up Maslow’s Hierarchy pyramid, from the need to belong to the stage of self actualization. Don’t be stuck in a rut and just follow the herd, the grass IS greener on the other side and there’s plenty of it. Seth Godin said in a video posted by Chris Taylor on Goose Educational Media: “If you continue trying to play by the rules in a system that is fundamentally broken, don’t be surprised if you don’t get what you want!”
Maalouf asked “Would I exist more authentically if I cut off a part of myself?” I would ask “Is it more important to be authentic to oneself or to society? Are you willing to lose yourself to gain the world?” I am proud of who I am, and it is a result of all the influences in my life: family, culture, religion, education – but I am my own person! Are you? Think About It!
I expressed my frustration with the system few weeks ago, but I will do it one more time. I’m just like you, I’m tired. I’m tired of being mediocre; I’m tired of playing the nice guy and blending in. We have an opportunity to rise above mediocrity; we have an opportunity to embrace excellence. I know we are better than blending in, we are better than playing the victim role, we are better than being the status quo.
Let’s change the world, but before we utter these words, let’s be clear, the mentality change that we are seeking is hard, the process is painful, the road is long, and the nights are dark. On the other hand, the fruit of our labor is sweet, so join me and few more to change the world.
I’m not blending in anymore.
First of all, John, I think you are going to need some antiseptic…
Your insight forced me to look at my own brand. While reading your article I initially lamented my website’s content because of its strict attempts to abide by certain SEO rules (blasted keywords make me form unusual sentence structure, like this one!) and not to offend anyone. While I don’t necessarily want to offend anyone, I would rather work with my target audience: those who read my stuff and think, “He is just like me!”
So, John, you have inspired me again. This time, it is to perform some reconstructive surgery on my brand, mostly my website, to start letting people know who I am, really, and what I believe. I now realize that this is OK to do, even necessary, since I’m in the field of internet marketing. Out there are people who are ‘just like me’ who will gravitate toward me. Given the 1.5 billion people or so online, I don’t think that will be a problem.
At the expense of becoming an example of Proverbs 29:5 (Whoever flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his feet), I have to say, “You Rock!” Thank you for your honesty, John.
“What’s popular isn’t always right, what’s right isn’t always popular.” – Howard Cosell
The people that blend in are those that are missed, but those of us that choose to be different, choose to excel, to become artists in our own special way are those that succeed and are noticed.
John,
Not only have you captured the essence of authenticity, you are a shinning beacon of a personal branding mindset we would all do well to learn from. Thank you for sharing that.
Best,
Greg
John,
this is a heartfelt entry! Not in exactly the same way as you, I am and always have been a hybrid. different cultures, ethnic background, education, tastes…whatever, you name it,…
Standing out and owning takes courage, determination and deeply rooted confidence.
Personal branding is a fairly recent concept in the maistream that will probably force motivation out of ordinary people so they can start owning themselves!
J’aime beaucoup ce post. bravo.
Karima-Catherine
It is a heartfelt post!! Being a banana working in HK and doing business with Chinese people in mainland china, I understand completely how you feel and what obstacles / judgement you might come across by being different.
After a few months working as a boss with tightened hands. I dare to say I start seeing the other side of the coin. Fitting in is an ugly word and uncool. Most of us ( I don’t dare to say everybody) want to be unique and honestly, we all believe being a follower never wins.
However, before we states a million good reasons of being different, should we first think of what is your purpose of being different? before you complaining of being rejected / judged in your company by working on your own way, what is the cost and benefit you add to your company? Why are you not allowed to do so?
I have been struggling to work in my own way, when I’m surrounded by a bunch of ‘old brains’ who have been following the same routine for the past 20 years. My idea or the way I work / see things seem to be too ‘new’ for them to accept. My behaviour, being a banana, is judged by the society almost everyday I walk out of the house. I had a very hard time settling in at the beginning. Yes, now I’m easier for them to accept and yes, I dare to say I’m blending in, but with a purpose. I defined my goal and stick to my plan to achieve it. Before forcing others to accept who I am, i evaluate the efficiency, cost and benefit of fighting with them vs standing strong. Before forcing others to accept who you are and revolve around you, does accepting others’ perspective and compromising for a big result make you losing your identity?
Yes, following others without a purpose is bad. But being different just for the sake of being cool doesn’t add value either
‘The purpose of Life is a Life of Purpose’ by Robin Sharma. We should dare to be different, dare to be unique and dare to change with well-defined purpose in mind, focus on the bigger picture. Take a step back and put yourself on others’ shoes will save you time on nagging and asking why you are judged by the way others judge you
Not all naughty kids in the playground can stand out. Those who simply being rebellious are annoying
Show me a man with a tattoo and I’ll show you a man with an interesting past.